All You Can Do.

When I was younger I needed things to do. I remember thinking it would be fun to have kids because then I’d have something pressing to do every minute of the day and night.

Ha.

I did plenty of activities and eventually accomplished a lot, but back then when I had a sudden patch of time and energy and nothing to fill it with except old Bewitched re-runs it seemed like I could use a bit more in the way of hobbies, passions and worthwhile endeavors.

Now its just the opposite. My cup overflow-eth with all the people I want to see and songs I’d like to sing. My heart is full and all that but without structure I can still end up watching those Bewitched re-runs.

Or worse yet, scrolling.

That’s where discipline comes in, or so I used to think. I used to think if I wanted to learn Swahili or how to do a pull-up I just needed the discipline to get it done.

That could be true for some people but I only have enough discipline to get me through each day, one day at a time. It takes a decent amount of discipline just to do that but it doesn’t get me any closer to Swahili or that pull-up. For everything that isn’t essential (essentials are: work, watering the garden, animal care and husbandry, and my own most basic ADL’s -activities of daily living), I’m kind of all over the place or lying limp on the couch staring into the fire when it’s go-time. Sometimes I don’t wanna or I don’t remember to do such and such. Slips my mind that I am trying to play the banjo – that sort of thing.

A few self-help books and a bit of introspection later, I have figured out that I either need for it to be fun, or I need a really good plan if I’m going to do something outside of the basics of living. Doesn’t matter how much I want to throw pots or finish the three novels on my nightstand – without some compelling strategy besides discipline, it won’t happen.

Which brings me to writing.

I am not writing as much as I have ideas and thoughts for, and a lot is going to waste. I often jot down some brainstorm or funny anecdote (btw, I did the David Sedaris Masterclass and he was much nicer and much more supportive than I expected him to be). As I’m sure most of you (perhaps all ten of you?) know, he carries a pad and pencil with him at all times just for this purpose. The same way that I sometimes have to take a call from a patient during a conversation with family, David Sedaris similarly has to stop and scribble a note. It’s his job.

I am the best observer of life I know how to be but I suck at writing consistently. Writing consistently, at the same time every day, is something every author who teaches writing brings up in the very first lesson. The only time I wrote every morning is when I was dating and I woke up so appalled I had to vent.

I want to do it. I’m going to do it but I also am going to make it fun and easy by letting myself do a grab bag of whatever I feel like documenting every evening. I can’t always be expected to weave some kind of continuity through a piece the way I’d want to if I were say, David Sedaris, so I am just going to take that pressure off and let 2023 be the year of daily posts where anyone who wants to can jump into my head for ten or fifteen minutes a day.

Like right now.

It’s December 31. I just fed the animals and took my evening meds so my work is done for the year. Earlier though, I was deep-cleaning and purging and rearranging the house and I took some photos of cute areas and things I am proud of. I am going to upload these photos and what I want to say is that it has taken me years to discover my style (layers of cool shit, a.k.a Boho/Hippie). My 116 year-old home has also taken quite a bit of practice, and patience to master.

The house has good bones but it has been known to make me feel crazy, like I might need to just give up and set it ablaze. Don’t worry because I can never seem to find any matches around here so it’s un likely I will torch the place.

It’s always a little bit dirty, the wiring is sketch and some of the weird aluminum single pain windows have lost parts of their hardware. (Yes, they replaced the original windows in the 70’s or something hideous). The wood floors have seen much better days. Oh and my pink enamel Dream Queen kitchen is rusting. I can’t afford to fix up this house but I did finally get a new roof which is good because it hasn’t stopped raining.

This is my puppy Rayna staring at the cricket cage wondering if it’s ever going to quit raining so that she can go on a hike.

And here is the rest of the room. I love this room and give myself credit for putting in a half wall so that the big front area has some cozier nooks.

I really didn’t like the living room until I took all the back cushions off the sectional couch that Sarah David sold me for a song off LaMorinda Treasures. The couch is great but/and I also bought two other pieces when I was tipsy – one of which I didn’t even remember. And it’s BIG.

I covered the couch minus the back pillows with faux fur throws from Target. They are easy to wash and hide a multitude of sins. Plus it’s cozy and without the back pillows its like a chair and a half or an almost-chaise. I can sit on the couch like Edith Ann with my feet straight out in front of me or I can curl my legs to one side. The dogs like to flop on the couches and given the ratio of humans to dogs (2:5 at the moment but one of the humans is usually in his room), its kind of like two big dog beds that I am welcome to use when I’m home.

The two Santas and the Nightmare Before Christmasy rats stay up all year, because I enjoy them. There are also two ball ornaments I have hanging in front of a window and they stay year round too. It’s easier and things are always festive.

When I cleaned off this counter I found my binoculars. They are next to the old radio that belonged to my grandfather that is next to the pretend pay phone that looks real but is actually plastic.

The big horse came from Uhuru and I got it for a song. Uhuru is a used furniture store that sells donations to benefit something kind of secret and possibly communist or shady in Africa. I have never figured it out but they sell furniture and pies. The store is across the street from me, on the Piedmont side of the street. All the fancy furniture comes down the hill from Piedmont and the rest of us in Oakland fight over the used merchandise.

I moved the trailer ice chest to the living room to fill a space and I decided I needed a place to keep my violin out for easy access – and maybe it would be nice to store few books and things at the same time. That was my thought.

Easy peasy. I jumped in the Prius and fifteen minutes later I was home with the unfinished but very solid wood bookcase you see above, and my bank account intact.

That’s the beauty of my style. You can decorate on a very small budget.

The plant below is new too. Owen has a friend who works at the nursery down the street and I didn’t plan it but he was there and gave me his employee discount. I think because I miss my daughter and my daughter loves plants I am craving more greenery inside. Natalie is in Brasil until February and the pictures coming out of there look beautiful and……warm.

This photo is to show that the piano isn’t covered in random stuff. Poor piano. He was my mom’s piano from when she was young and it’s over a heater because that’s the only place I can figure out to put it. A couple of the keys are now dead. It’s been tuned many times and now I have to decide if it’s worth another sprucing up. I’m thinking yes but I must stop dropping the mail and god knows what down onto the piano. Trying.

That’s it on the house cleaning and organizing and bragging. I do love my space though.

At some point today I reflected on making things. I know because I wrote it under Notes in my phone. It occurred to me that making music and art and a home – making things – is a way to remember that we have existed, and still exist to take it all in. When I look at something I made, or look around my house I see memories everywhere my eyes land. Quite often I admire my own taste and talent. I feel blessed (probably the only time you’ll hear me use that word) every time I am gifted the inspiration to make something. Creativity comes from out of nowhere and riding each wave that comes our way – that’s all we can do.