How To Train Your Dragon.

Garth had started to bark a lot and annoy me. Worse than that, he didn’t seem to be enjoying my company all that much anymore

I’m not sure when I started to feel a little less love between us but at some point I realized that the bloom was off the rose for us both.

Was it the seven year itch? Does that even happen with dogs?

I am the owner who cooks my dogs a special meat topping for their kibble, brings the ones I can with me to work so they are rarely alone, takes them hiking in open space. Dogs are lucky to live with me, dammit!

So why did Garth seem so bored and unimpressed by it all?

I don’t know, but I can tell you that needy dogs aren’t my favorite. I have some needy dog energy at home – his name is Max. Max needs me to have a hand on him at all times when we are in bed or he paws at me. He is pawing at me right now as I write this and it makes me crazy. His nails scratch me and I don’t mind some heavy petting but I don’t like to be in constant service to the petting. I can shove him under the covers and he’ll stop sometimes but there’s some irritation I feel with the arrangement. Pretty much the same reason I don’t have boyfriends. I could use a little space.

Max was a foster fail. Most people think of foster fails as dogs you love so much you can’t let go. But there’s another kind of foster fail in dog rescue: the dog that can not be adopted. Usually the reasons you can’t place these dogs involve biting, separation anxiety, bad personality or lousy housebreaking. Well, Max has all that – and more. He has a friend who stays home with him – another unadoptable named Dash. Dash is feral and shits on the couch. He weighs five pounds and came to me on a bite hold. The ACO’s at the shelter were afraid of him. He threw himself against the wall when we tried to hold him so we just backed off and let him live here like some wild animal with squatting rights. It’s gone on ten or more years with him being feral and us just shrugging and giving him kibbles.

I have another hard one – Miss Darby. She is incontinent and turns Cujo on me when I try and wash her butt. She bites hard and I just deal with it because I am not some weak-ass dog owner, OK?!!

Garth is my normal dog. He’s a regular dog, very nice, very big dog, very solid.

So when he started to bark more and more and more I kind of just let it slide because hey….Garth is a good dog. Barking is just dog talking and living in a city, it’s good to have him to guard and protect.

Only fast forward and Garth had become insane in my house. He’d hear something out back and run out and bark bark bark then come back in and fling himself onto the couch and bark at the neighbors then start things with the dog who lives kitty corner in the yard with the new fence. Woof woof, bark, bark, howl, alert alert……it became nearly constant at home and there was barking at work too: at the gardener, at dogs walking past the window, at the delivery people…..bark bark bark.

I yelled a lot for him to stop it then I just STFU because honestly I was unable to “good quiet” and “thank you” my way out of all the barking. I tried as many walks as I could fit in (an exercised dog is a happy dog) and I channeled inner peace and acceptance but I sometimes thought I was gonna lose my mind.

We had band practice at my place this past week and there was a constant onslaught of barks and then the pig rammed the patio table and spilled all the wine and shortly after that we all decided to meet at Clancy’s house from here on out. Here is a hilarious clip of that fiasco.

Max is trying to lick my fingers as I type.

Now I am not one to bitch bitch bitch forever without trying something new so what happened next is I woke the hell up and realized that Garth had become bored and a little depressed.

Here’s my take on it.

Some dogs need very little. Roxy was like that. Dash is that way too. Even Darby does her own thing a lot of the time. But Garth is a smart, feeling, human-dog. He knows a lot of words, he reads people, and he is now……a pouty middle-aged MAN. When he was a puppy he was happy to come to work, go on a hike and let the older humans and older dogs worry about the hard stuff.

But he is all grown up now. He needs a job and a purpose, He has been there and done that with being a pet dog and Little Pink Houses is stuck in his head. He’s writing poetry about how naps are not enough and thinking, “Is this all there is?”

So when it hit me that the thrill might be gone and that ennui might be why he is trying to bark up a little excitement for himself I launched myself into action with enrichment activities. Keep in mind this dog can chomp through a bully stick in ten mins. So I stuffed some Kongs (a hit!), got some lick mats (another hit!) and got the magic bobbing orb food dispenser (SUCH a hit that it is now a high value item that creates a frenzy of growling if not carefully managed).

I also started giving Garth treats and thanking him for barking. It might sound counter intuitive but it is the only think that has worked. I say thanks, I try to notice the thing he is barking at (yes Garth, that IS a CAT next door). I say the word treat and he usually eats the treat and stops barking.

Enrich, enrich enrich……notice him more…..talk to him more……and…….he’s getting better!

Makes sense. No one likes to be treated like an old shoe!

This weekend all the high value treats are put away because we have a doggy guest and no fighting is allowed. Max wont stop growling at our guest but the dog guest is Ella and she is a very dog stable young GSD mix and she figured out about five minutes in to ignore Max so we are good. Garth is completely in love with her and they are all: play play sleep play. (Dog people chill out with the prong collar. She came with it, she’s fine. I took it off her so no comments unless you want me to roll my eyes super loud)

Garth is dog selective as are most mature adult dogs. They can start out super chill but once they come into their own most dogs have opinions. He’s decent with all dogs but when it comes to playing he only likes some dogs and Ella is his jam. He will let her do anything including sit on his face and steal his chair. She has been given the green light so yay.

Living with smart, feeling animals as I do – the smartest and most feeling of which is Garth….sometimes you have to step back and realize that a good life isn’t just food, shelter, a pat here and there and a walk a day.

Animals crave adventure, authentic connection, novelty, and variety just as much as we do.

Garth is no longer irritating me. He is challenging me to do better.

Amen.