Mother’s Day

Today is Mother’s Day.

I was cleaning the house yesterday and I decided to listen to some Opera. I probably wouldn’t even know that I love Opera were it not for the fact that I grew up with it. I grew up listening because my mother played Opera on the stereo, took me to Opera in the park (Pavarotti was there, I think, or maybe I imagined that….but I’m pretty sure he was there), and talked to me about Opera. Occasionally we even went to the Opera.

That was back when records were a thing and there was no internet. We all had loads of free time and not much to do. There wasn’t even a Blockbuster or VHS, or Beta. You could watch whatever was on T.V., or read or play some music on the stereo. Every family had a record collection and every kid spent hours memorizing album covers and just listening.

We had Trini Lopez, Harry Belafonte, some Mozart, Simon and Garfunkel, Joan Baez and Opera.

I decided yesterday to listen to Don Giovanni and scrolling through my options on Spotify I saw an album cover I recognized. I remembered a label that put out collections of excerpts from operas and I recognized the font on the cover and the layout so I figured it would be a good choice. I also saw on the cover the name of the soprano: Te Kanawa.

Oh, that’s Kiri Te Kanawa I said to myself.

Then I said to myself how crazy it is, the things I know.

We know the things we know for many reasons. One of those reasons is our mothers. Mothers share their world with us and some of it sticks. They expose us to so much that becomes a part of who we are and we don’t always think about it until we realize that for a time we knew all the famous Opera stars by heart, and the reason is our mom.

Then I wondered about my own children. They don’t know Opera. I played old timey, rock and bluegrass around the house so what they heard was very different. My kids know John Prine and Emmylou…some Bob Dylan…..but not Opera.

I always think it’s a little bit narcissistic when people talk about kids as being mini-me copies of their parents. Sure some things wear off on a child but what kids really get from their parents is something else. Kids get inspiration – and a blueprint for how to live. Then they go out in the world and put their own spin on it.

I was very lucky to have – and still have – my mother for inspiration. I played different music than she did around the house with my kids…..but I’ve always listened to music, especially when I clean. I fling the windows open, blast the stereo…..or whatever we call those little doodahs we listen to nowadays – a floating speaker – and I clean as the music plays.

My mom knows how to live and she ingrained it in me. She taught me how to cook and how to entertain. We do it differently, but she taught me how to do it. My mom always makes dinner. I don’t always make dinner but I did when my kids were growing up and I know how to do it. My kids are all excellent cooks and I don’t remember teaching any of them to cook but they say I did. I guess it just rubs off. They make things I don’t know how to make. They amaze me!

We always had a piano growing up. There were castanets. We had a guitar. It was a normal thing to try and make music and I briefly took violin lessons as a child. So picking up the violin again was a normal thing. My kids are all musical. They all make music. French horn, singing….computerized music. It’s all music!

My mother also made art. She can draw and I can’t really but I can collage and I can throw pots a little bit. She had potter friends and she let me collage my closet door. My front door is collaged in my home, as is the door to the basement.

My mother now quilts and I don’t….not yet anyway. She also went through a really odd phase of collecting dolls. I found it creepy but she was really into it.

She and I both garden and so does my daughter. Some things are the same, but a lot is different.

The thing about my mom is that she lives life fully. She doesn’t sit around much. She’s busy doing this or that and life never gets old. She is truly remarkable at living!

One funny thing is that my mom is a terrible nurse, and I am too. She was always very sweet with me, up to a point. She didn’t like it when I was sick or injured and she’d do her best and then expect me to suck it up and get better. I internalized an ability to suck things up so that when I decided to become a doctor it was easy to think of others before my own self. She taught me that too….compassion and empathy.

I remember her saying a hundred times…..how would you feel IF…..so I learned to think about how others would feel, sometimes to a fault. I’m not that good at boundaries but my kids are. I think I purposefully let my kids put themselves first sometimes and as a result they understand boundaries better. But my mom and I are a little more blurry in that department.

Growing up I had every animal known to mankind. I have no idea how we ended up with all the cats, dogs, birds, rabbits, reptiles and insects but we had them all at one time or another. So of course my kids had a similar assortment that at one time also included a ferret and stick bugs.

Mothers inspire us and we absorb some of what they are and some of what they aren’t. We process it all and give it our own spin. We aren’t copies but we definitely are based on our mothers in many respects.

I have grown up with a real love for life. I am fortunate enough to feel passion for my chosen profession. I like my funky house full of animals. I make art and music and I garden. I blast Opera when I clean the house. And it’s all because I had a mother who showed me the way.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!!! And to all the mothers out there – thanks for showing us the way. By watching you, we’ve learned so much and made it our own.

And the beat goes on!